Christmas is coming

Not sure I am ready for the holiday season this year.  It has never been my favorite time of year, but it was a time I could be together with my precious family.  My sister from DC with my nieces and nephew, my brother from Sactown and my parents and sister right here would all be together, eating, drinking, laughing, dancing, singing...

My brother died in June and I feel like a body part has been removed from me without permission. Even worse, there was nothing wrong with that body part; someone amputated t by mistake.  And nothing will ever be the same again. 

I know I should accept Gods will, but I can't.  I know should be glad that I still have my parents and my sisters, but all I can think of is that I want my brother back!  I know this is the season to me jolly.  But I'm not...